We therefore believe that it is necessary in treatment for clients to form a compas-
sionate relationship with the neglected and injured parts of self, disowned in child-
hood, and make reparations. Cognitive therapies are used to stop negative
self-statements (Epstein, 1997). As described earlier, we teach daily mindfulness to
re-associate the body sensations, and to recognize and tolerate emotional states using
dialectical behavior therapy (Linehan, 1993). If there is PTSD or complex trauma, we
seek resolution with cognitive reprocessing therapies to develop a cohesive sense of
self. Often destructive prior relationships need to be terminated and family work is
essential to repair damaging destructive cycles and establish healthy boundaries.
Choosing a partner with secure attachment is critical, so clients are taught to recog-
nize characteristics of avoidant, preoccupied, and disorganized partners.
To repair the attachment system, a person’s internal working model requires a
“template”that often does not exist when there is severe neglect. Brown and Elliot
(2016) developed a technique to remap attachment representations using the Ideal
Parent. They ask the client to imagine a different set of parents, ideally suited to
their nature. They then support the client’s recognition of parents who are present,
reliable, consistent, and interested in the child, facilitating the child’s growth through
safety and exploration. The technique is often astounding to clients as they recog-
nize the degree of absence they originally experienced. When resistance emerges, it
is useful in working with aspects of minimization, denial, and loyalty to the family
system. A love map with clearer expectations of self and other is “written-in,”prac-
ticed, and then further differentiated in rehearsals with the therapeutic community,
friendships, and dating. Table 1 listscomponentsofIdealParentwork
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