Научные аспекты сексуальных особенностей.

[dok34.ru]

Kirill89_3 ([/QUOTE]
Цитата:

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Ругается на закрытость.
Что там, если можно - расскажите!

 

[Ksenia]

Ой, блин, тогда сейчас скину текст 🙂

Цитата:

Hey everyone, sorry for my absence and to anyone who messaged me privately, been on a vacation and then buried in things to get caught up with once returning home so only just starting to find spare time again.

I've got a few things to share and noticed a couple things in a quick skim of this group.

Firstly I noticed some posters suggesting they believe femdom/submissive interest is just part of who they are and not totally porn induced. I am very strong in the belief that its an innate thing so not strictly just a porn induced and therefore won't totally disappear. I had femdom tendencies before I even knew what sex was! That being said porn definitely reinforced it and for most of my life meant that it was my entire sexual outlet it's only now in my 30's that I'm wiring to vanilla sex. I've mentioned before I don't mind, I can deal with the fact I get turned on by dominant women as long as its not the only way for me to have sex life and I really believe I am living proof that anyone can get back to vanilla sex just understand that it can take time, effort, some stress/anxiety etc.

Now for some general updates on me that may give some help if anyone else gets to where I'm at, hopefully you can learn from my mistakes. Just note this isn't all positive stuff but I think it's important to share the challenges I face and how to overcome them as this is a process that isn't always easy. The important thing is how you deal with the adversity and keep positive and determined.

Firstly I'm not going to lie, over the last while I've been relapsing to quick femdom porn orgasms. It's never been more than 1 here or there meaning probably no more than 3 in any calendar month so while I know that's not sending me back to sqaure 1 and total PIED I know how stupid it is because it then brings me some anxiety about performing with my girl, not to mention I just feel guilty doing such a thing behind her back. Fortunately I've not allowed myself to get caught up in anything too extreme where by I just say to hell with it and go into a full binge mode and nor has it been hours and hours of binging. I've actually kind of deliberately once I knew I was sucked in just got it over with quick as possible so I can get back to focusing. I definitely don't recommend doing any of this of course but the point I'm making to every is yes even guys like me who have made immense progress have challenges and backwards step, the real key here is to shrug it off and do you best to get right back to living how you want to live.

I tend not to feel that these relapses haven't effected me physically in any way or even my ability to gain an erection during fore play as I still have no issues with that. What I have found though is on a couple of occasions then I've felt more pressure when intimacy time arrives and kind of lost my erection before penetration or where clothes come off. It's definitely performance anxiety and not PIED which is why I want to write today as I think for many of us guys after rebooting clean for a long period and doing some rewiring the performance anxiety becomes the bigger issue and why wouldn't it? Most of us have failed before, we know our history with porn and how its screwed us when it comes to sex in the past so I think it's no surprise at all that some of us get paranoid and can't relax the way we want for intimacy.

Ok I know that isn't probably what everyone wants to hear because we all want a seamless journey to being incredible in bed but believe me it helps when you get your head around these things and understand its pretty normal for guys like us, hell performance anxiety effects virtually all men from time to time so it's not even just us.

Now for the good news and some advice I can give should you find yourself in my position. I failed a couple times to have sex for the first times with my partner and it's probably due to a plethora things, being tired, knowing I'd relapsed to porn recently, some trouble when dealing with a condom and at this point I've not told my girl anything about my troubles because 'so far so good, no need.' Well after a couple failed times I could see she was upset and thinking it was her fault, the body language changed and then she asked if I was attracted to her? Well of course I am and this is the point I have to say something because I absolutely can not let her feel like this is her fault or she's not attractive.

So here's the cross roads do you want to tell your partner about your whole dirty past? Or are you like me and too scared to do that? Well I am not comfortable enough to give her all the details but I pretty much told her that I've had trouble with condoms, even maintaining an erection with some partners of the past so absolutely do not think this is your fault. Well her body language changed completely, from upset to sweet and caring so I believe its in your best interest to just know and remember that many or most women will actually like you more for showing the vulnerability and WANT to help you get past the issues and you know what if they aren't one of these women then get rid of her and look for a real woman and human being. I think even if I told my girl the full truth she would still be determined to help me move forward, I'm just not at that point where I think I need to and still to embarrassed so keeping things vague and broad is just fine. Just by confronting it in a more discrete way and letting her know that I have a really high level of sexual anxiety and that I just need her patience has taken a lot of pressure off. I don't feel like 'I perform or get dumped' or hurt her, I'm even able to have a light joke about it all which all just makes things easier going forward. The funny thing is last night after failing the night prior and having a bit of a chat about things I got to bed and was able to penetrate with a strong erection last night for the longest I've been able to. I actually couldn't finish but we both enjoyed that so it could just go on and on, the issue last night was other people were here and I think usually I find the loud sounds she makes something that helps me finish (probably my submissive side finding it more important she gets pleasure first) so having to be quiet kept things different. Anyway after a couple bad failures just getting really hard for penetration and intimacy was perfect, it will reassure her that its just something I may face from time to time but that I am attracted to her.

Ok this is long as always with me but hopefully if you guys encounter these issues you can draw from my experience and feel more comfortable with a method that may help you approach it in a safe way for both you and your girl.Taking the pressure off helps so fucking much. In a nutshell I think its very possible that if you are getting hard for foreplay but lose it for sex it's more likely performance anxiety than PIED though that is probably the source of the PA. It's a vicious cycle the whole thing hence why removing the pressure from it all is really important.

One other really important tip I'd like to offer as suggested by my gf:

After losing my erection during foreplay at the point of removing clothes or going for a condom obviously we needed to change something. Basically this little bit of time was giving me too much time to think or for my erection to disappear and when that happens is when I feel the pressure to get it back up and just can't. So after 2 nights ago losing it in this period my girl suggested next time to just start foreplay with me naked so I can stay in the moment. I did exactly that last night and found I had no issues at all. I think considering so much of my past involved femdom and therefore not sex it's better for my wiring too because I'm still inexperienced where the female body is concerned so it should help wire me better to the naked female body.

Well I think I will leave it there. I know it might make some guys worry reading about the challenges I'm still facing instead of just glorious success but that's why I wanted to offer a viable solution that is really working for me. Knowledge is our best weapon to fight all this so I hope some of you can learn from my challenges and hopefully get past them even quicker and easier than I am. I remember reading these forums when I started and only seeing guys complaining about their problems but not being very proactive in forming realistic strategies to get past them and being defeated when things just don't work perfectly. Reading some of this caused me anxiety before just having a go and kept me hiding away from trying for fear of failure but believe me having a go is so much more worth while and each little slither of success you have will build confidence that you are on the way and can get past these problems.

Ok sorry for the long post, if anyone has any questions or thoughts feel free to share/ask. I'll try check back a bit more often now my life is settling down.

Keep going guys, don't succumb to femdom!

 

[dok34.ru]

Здоровый пост 🙂
Спасибо!
Я проглядел в переводчике, быстро.
Для этого этапа - адекватно. Имхо.
И - типичные дебютантские задачи и проблемы.
Цитата:

После того, как схожу эрекции во время прелюдии в точке удаления одежды или собирается для презерватива, очевидно, нам нужно было что-то изменить. В основном это немного времени дает мне слишком много времени, чтобы подумать или для моей эрекции исчезнуть, и когда это происходит, когда я чувствую давление, чтобы получить его обратно вверх и просто не могу. Так что после того, как 2 дня назад потерять его в этот период моя девушка предложила в следующий раз, чтобы просто начать прелюдию со мной голым, так что я могу остаться в данный момент. Я сделал точно, что прошлой ночью и обнаружил, у меня не было никаких проблем вообще.

То есть - проблема "падает при одевании презерватива" или "при отвлечении на мысли" - очень частая, на самом деле. Ее часто решают самостоятельно - просто как решают вопрос со страхом собак или социофобией.
То есть прорываются несмотря на проблему, "я пройду насквозь!"(с)
🙂
А здесь - стандартное сексологическое решение , описанное мной много лет назад впервые - приступать к ласкам так, чтобы не тратить позже времени и сил на поиск презерватива, раздевание и пр. Индивидуально, что было более критично в каждом конкретном случае.
Этот вариант обычно работает. Снижение возбуждения в паузе для раздевания - часто бывает, но не за две секунды происходит
Снизил потребное время = повысил шансы на успех.

Короче - все норм, планово идет человек, отлично!

 

[Ksenia]

Да, порадуемся за него. Это наша задача решать проблемы 🙂 А не убегать от них в Канаду в парафилию или другой пол 🙂

Хотя автор тоже хотел сначала убежать, я даже раньше него начал преодолевать..

Ну еще важное отличие, он не нагружал себя так теорией, как я. 🙂 И один преодолевал. Зато я считаю, что можно полностью стереть парафилию. А он так не считает.

 

[Ira]

Цитата:

Это наша задача решать проблемы 🙂 А не убегать от них в Канаду в парафилию или другой пол 🙂

Убежать тоже вариант. Главное счастлив ты или нет.

 

[Ksenia]

Если использовать счастье как единственный критерий, то можно столкнуться с проблемой локального максимума.

 

[dok34.ru]

Indigo () писал:

Цитата:

Это наша задача решать проблемы 🙂 А не убегать от них в Канаду в парафилию или другой пол 🙂

Убежать тоже вариант. Главное счастлив ты или нет.

Убежать - вариант - когда то, от чего убегаешь - не бежит с тобой 🙂
Чарли - останется Чарли, хотя не спорю - в Канаде ему уютней должно быть..
Да и девушкой быть "феминному мальчику Лёше" - тоже уютней, наверное. Можно юбочку носить, можно Геракла отбить у кого-то...по крайней мере есть такой шанс.
Кроме того случая, варианта, когда проблема не в феминности на самом деле, а в не-социальности, инопланетности. Девушка-инопланетница - даёт очень странное впечатление при общении, сорри.

Kirill89_3 () писал:

Если использовать счастье как единственный критерий, то можно столкнуться с проблемой локального максимума.

Да. Поэтому желательно не делать этот критерий единственным 🙂

Я иногда вспоминаю песенку "Деревянные костюмы", и вживаюсь в неё.
В людей, которые могут выбрать именно так, отказавшись от локального счастья.

 

[Ksenia]

Цитата:

Да. Поэтому желательно не делать этот критерий единственным 🙂

Я же собираюсь еще наукой заниматься, то есть делать невозможное возможным...А как этим заниматься, если у тебя в голове сидит непреодолимая преграда, ограничение, парафилия. Эта штука будет влиять на образ мысли, на все. А если изменения сексуальности возможны, то автоматически становится возможным многое другое. Не в средневековье же живем и не в древней Индии с кастовым делением, когда все решалось в момент рождения, а в динамичном мире. Хотя некоторые ученые и активисты хотят внушить нам, что в вопросе сексуальности все решается в момент рождения.

 

[dok34.ru]

Да, согласен.
Фраза.. "скажите пожалуйста - который час? А то я телефон дома забыл!" ещё лет двадцать показалась бы словами безумца 🙂

Изменение сексуальности - не легче задачи "полюбить собак" для собакофоба. Но и не сложнее.
Дорогу осиливает идущий.
ИМХО

 

[Ira]

Цитата:

Я иногда вспоминаю песенку "Деревянные костюмы", и вживаюсь в неё.
В людей, которые могут выбрать именно так, отказавшись от локального счастья.

Просто не было локального счастья, нечего терять.Или боль сильнее счастья. По постулату НЛП человек всегда ведет лучшим для себя образом, хотя это может казаться не так со стороны.