?This essay is based on a general theory of human behavior and personality described by psychiatrist Karen Horney in her book, "Neurosis and Human Growth" published in 1950. Doctor Horney believes that "each of us are born with certain particular intrinsic traits and potentialities which, given the chance, will develop into the unique alive forces of our real self: the clarity and depth of our own feelings, thoughts, wishes, interests, the ability to tap our own resources, the strength of our will, our special capacities or gifts, the facility to express ourselves and relate to others with our spontaneous feelings. In short, we will grow towards what she calls self-realization".
Having described this goal, however, Doctor Horney proceeds to tell us that "through a variety of adverse influences, a child may not be permitted to grow according to his individual needs and possibilities towards self-realization. A child's parents may be too wrapped up in their own neurosis to be able to love the child, or even to conceive of him as the particular individual he is. They may be dominating, overprotective, intimidating, irritable, overacting, overprotective, erratic, partial to other siblings, hypocritical, indifferent, etc. It is never a matter of just a single factor, but always the whole constellation that exerts the untoward influence on a child's growth".
Yet, a child can only grow according to his or her intrinsic personal traits and potentialities, just as an acorn can only grow to be an oak tree.
From the moment an acorn falls to the ground, it is intrinsically already an oak tree. In no way will it ever, or can it ever, grow into a palm tree or a redwood tree or any other kind of tree. It can only be an oak tree.
An acorn, however, is totally and completely dependent on it's environment if it is to grow according to it's inner directive. It must be given the correct soil and proper nutrients, an adequate amount of annual rainfall, the correct average daily sunshine, etc. If denied any of these things, the oak tree is likely to grow up stunted. Nonetheless, although stunted, it will still be a form of oak tree.
Each of us, I believe, are like acorns in many respects. From the moment we are born we already have within us the total and complete personality and intrinsic elements of the person we are destined to be. For example, Mozart most certainly was born with the intrinsic elements of a great musician. All that was required was the time, the love, the nurturing, the attention and the acceptance by his parents to help him develop his inner gifts.
If each of our parents had provide the totally nurturing environment we needed when we were young, and if they had fully recognized our intrinsic inner traits and elements of our personality as soon as they appeared, and if they had supported and encouraged these inner traits, whatever they were, then we were likely to grow up fulfilled, like an acorn into a magnificent oak tree. We would have grown totally and relatively easily towards self-realization.
