44 летняя транс женщина описывает, как она осознала, что она женщина
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It was a slow buildup.
I've been fascinated by women's historical clothing, especially those with structure like from the Victorian era or Baroque. I often wished that I had a girlfriend who would where those, but eventually I realized that I was projecting and
I wanted to wear those.
I never really acted on it though but about 4 years I asked a cosplay-maker friend of mine to make one up for me. In the meantime I found that I was aroused by the idea of being a woman, and especially when I discovered Second Life I was hooked. Had a gorgeous avatar, and unless I told someone, nobody ever knew I was anything but a woman. So I was sure I was going to be super-aroused once I put the gown on.
And then...I wasn't. It just felt right. And then when I wore it at a convention, even though I have super social anxiety, I didn't mind the attention. Hell, I loved it. Some treated me like the woman I looked like (well, at a quick glance anyway).
Eventually I came out to my friends and family on Facebook saying I didn't want to hide this part of me anymore, got some support, got some not-support. I said "I'm not transgender."
Fast forward a few years later, and I've ordered a pair of hippads after seeing how great they looked on a drag queen.
So I put on my corset and hip pads and all I had on over top was a t-shirt and sweatpants, but I had the shape of a woman. Breasts, narrowed waist, hips...and I flushed. I felt AMAZING. And that's when it hit me. I'm trans.
And then I had panic attacks for days. Saw a therapist immediately, came out to my wife the next day. I was panicing I'd have to transition. "I'm just non-binary".
Six months later, I got slammed by the worst gender dsyphoria I ever had. That's when I accepted I was a transwoman...and instead I had panic attacks I wouldn't be able to transition. Again, saw a therapist, came out to my wife the very next day.
And she's supported me more than I could ever hope for."